Love of My Eternity
by Battleship Toothbrush
Summary: (Reader/Levi) It's finally happened: Petra has proposed to Levi! But what the hell will you do now that the love of your eternity might be lost forever?
_Just a quick AoT/ReaderInsert oneshot I slapped on paper the other day. Enjoy!_

 _-Toothbrush_

* * *

 **Love of My Eternity**

"I was planning to wait until after the expedition, but I don't think that I can wait another minute."

Fuck me, I didn't mean to be eavesdropping, but I'd already been headed to short shit's office with a procession of paperwork. It never occurred to me that he might already be preoccupied. Now that I knew, I was awkwardly loitering in the corridor just outside his door, fighting for a reason to stick around. Standing around definitely was a terrible decision, but then again, I hadn't been making many good ones recently. Blame it on the inevitable heartbreak from losing the man I yearned to pledge my heart and soul to—to another woman.

But I was a sadistic little shit and couldn't muster up the will to drag my ass away before I destroyed myself. I just needed to know if all that praying had been in vein. My heart seized in trepidation and I began to shiver. I wanted to know—needed to know—but it was all happening so fast. So soon.

I'm being completely honest when I tell you that I've never disliked Petra Ral. Not when I first realized just how close they were, not when she divulged her affections towards him to me, not even when she hatched the plan to propose to him after the expedition. I'm also being completely honest when I tell you that I was happy for her. So happy.

You just couldn't dislike Petra Ral. She was always there when you needed her and she'd protect you with her life without you even having to ask. She was loyal and ambitious and so stunningly gorgeous she was intimidating. She deserved to be treated as a queen.

They both deserved all the good in the world. Not only because they were dear to me, but because they were genuine and inspiring and deserved nothing less than eternal happiness.

But God knows I wanted to hate her. I wanted to drag her ass out of his office by her hair or push her out a window. It was a tragedy. All these whirlwind emotions, the drama—why did love always have so much baggage involved? Why couldn't I just throw in the towel and tell hope to fuck itself?

Because I was hopelessly and eternally devoted to Levi Ackerman. Sure, I'd only been enrolled in the Survey Corps for a little over three months. Sure, I hadn't known him as long as Petra had. Sure, he was almost eight years my senior. But I knew it the day I met him that he would be irrevocably important to me. I knew the instant his eyes bore into mine that I was a goner.

I knew that I had fallen in love.

And now I was going to let that love go for the sake of his happiness. For both their happiness.

"Levi, I believe that you already know this, but I've fallen in love with you. I think I knew that I would the moment I met you."

The backs of my eyes prickled with tears. Oh, God, I was gonna be sick, I was gonna be sick, I was gonna be sick.

"No one makes me as happy as you do. No one cares for me the way you do. No one is you. I never want to be with anyone else and I'm fairly certain that you feel the same way. So, after the expedition, I was planning on asking you if I could devote myself entirely to you. Or, well, later, if that seems a little too soon."

A pall of silence thickened the atmosphere. I awaited Levi's response with baited breath, but quickly grew impatient.

Please, Levi, _please_ , just put me out of my misery—

"So what exactly are you proposing to me?" Levi suddenly rejoined. I caught the subtlest edge of a hidden emotion in his undertones and stiffened. Was that joy or fear? "Are you proposing courtshit or—?"

"Marriage," Petra interjected with a melodious chuckle. "I'm proposing that we get engaged, Levi. I want to devote myself to you in the most profound way that I know of. Er, well, this is a little unorthodox, what with the woman proposing, but—"

"Do you want my answer now?"

I winced at his brusqueness. Jeez, Levi, a woman proclaims her undying love to you and you throw that harsh shit back in her face. On the other hand, maybe this was a little too sudden for him. Who was to say, because I sure as hell wasn't.

"Huh?" Petra sounded just as startled as I felt. "Er, not now…Is this too much? I'm so sorry, Levi, I should have—this is—I haven't made you uncomfortable, have I?"

"It's not too soon," Levi replied, voice low and soft as silk. God, the man gave me goosebumps in every way, shape, and form. "But I, well…Shit. Yeah, it's a little bit too soon. I just need to think."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you were truly interested in marrying me, you wouldn't need time to think about it," Petra countered curtly. "Or does this have to do with your pride? Forgive me, I didn't think you'd be bothered by the _woman_ asking—"

"Dammit, Petra, that's got shit to do with it. I just need to gather my fucking thoughts, all right?" He sighed and I knew that he regretted losing his temper on her, especially now that she'd stripped herself bare before him. She was vulnerable and he knew that his coarse words cut her deeply. "Sorry, just…can we discuss this later? Over tea after dinner or something?"

Realizing that Petra could come barging through the door at any moment, I scurried further down the hall, prepared to pretend that I'd just arrived and hadn't heard a word of their conversation. Just as expected, Petra emerged a few moments later, withdrawn and melancholy. A part of me celebrated at the sight.

I was going to have to have a talk with that part of me.

I stepped forward, eager to comfort her despite the raging conflict within me, but she wasn't in the mood for it. She turned and briskly walked away, obviously distraught and barely holding herself together. My heart ached something fierce for her. She didn't deserve bad blood between me or Levi. The other part of me wished Levi had accepted her proposal. I didn't like seeing others hurting, especially when there was nothing that I could do or say that would ease their suffering.

I hastily rounded the corner into Levi's office, heart pulsing in my palms. God knows I really did not want to go in there. Hell, how was I supposed to feel after what had just transpired? One word from him and I was damn certain that I would either burst into tears, throw myself out a window, or both.

But being the trooper (and grotesquely fascinated) person I was, I walked right into his office and almost immediately started bawling right there.

Just deliver the papers and get out, deliver the papers and get out, deliver the papers—

"You have shit timing, (First)," Levi growled from somewhere beyond the leaning tower of paper.

I chuckled nervously in response. My arms were shaking, but not from the weight of the paperwork.

"Just part of my charm," I joked weakly as I lowered the papers onto the corner of his desk. It took all the strength I had just to meet his gunmetal gaze. There was a disturbance about him, an apprehension he rarely ever exuded, and I sensed that he was greatly distressed beneath his impassive façade. "Listening is another part, you know. I mean, if you need to vent, I'm all ears. Not that you have to, but if it will make you feel even a little bit better, I'll stick around as long as you need me to."

His expression softened and I took comfort in relieving him if only a little.

Then, he sighed and combed his nails though his raven tresses. "I'm just…I'm shit at romance."

I feigned puzzlement. "Oh, short shit, what did you do to Petra?"

His eyes flickered rancorously. "Cut the shit, (First), I'm seriously fucked up right now, all right?"

I recoiled in astonishment and slowly settled into the armchair behind me. Shit, I hadn't meant to upset him. Humor was just my way of diffusing tension. It was usually a fail-proof tactic, but not today.

"I'm sorry," I stammered contritely. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just—I thought I could help lighten the mood a little. I'm sorry."

Levi groaned and rolled his head back onto his shoulders, peering somberly up at the ceiling. Then he hopped up out of his seat and began pacing behind the desk.

"She proposed to me, (First)," he blurted, raking his bangs back from his eyes. I pretended to seem shocked. "She wants to fucking marry me after the expedition. She wants to be with me for fucking eternity or some shit and she just threw it all at me out of the fucking blue. I knew she had feelings for me, but fuck, marriage? I didn't even know she liked me enough to get married!"

"So I'm assuming you refused her," I said.

He shook his head. "No, I told her I needed some time to think about it and that pissed her off. She said I wouldn't need time to think about shit if I really did want to marry her."

My heart hammered in my wrists as I debated whether or not I should ask the question. God knows it could potentially obliterate me if he didn't give me the answer I was desperately hoping for.

But I needed to know. No better time than the present.

"I think that you should marry for love," I began slowly. "So are you bothered because you don't like the idea of marriage or because you don't love her?"

Silence stretched between us as he fought for an answer. I waited patiently, but the agony of not knowing began to dismantle my hope like petals pulled from a flower. Why was it taking him so long? Did he really not know or did he somehow know about my secret feelings and wanted to spare me the heartbreak?

Finally, he turned back to me and I struggled to swallow down the rising panic when I glimpsed the misery behind his eyes.

"I don't," he murmured, barely loud enough for me to catch. "I don't love her and I never will. I have feelings for her, but I can't fucking love her. This isn't me protecting myself or protecting her if either of us should die, this is me having a gut feeling in the pit of my stomach that knows there's no way in hell it's ever gonna happen for me because I'm already in fucking love with somebody else. Shit, that sounds awful. Having feelings for her, but fucking her over because I have stronger feelings for someone else."

My heart squeezed tightly in a mix of relief and fear. So he didn't love Petra, but he'd obviously found his soulmate in somebody else that was most likely not me. Still, I dared to hope.

"How do you know that you don't?" I wondered. "I mean, I believe that it's possible to have multiple people you love and even a love of your life, but I also believe that someone out there is the love of your eternity."

"Then you understand where I'm coming from," he said. "I have feelings for Petra, but they're barely a dot on my radar when compared to all the shit I feel for the other. Maybe Petra is the love of my life, how the hell would I know? But what I do know is that all that mushy shit you just spewed about love of your eternity is so damn accurate it's scary."

Oh, shit, he felt it, too. That inexplicable connection, this ever-growing ardor that consumed me body and soul. Was it possible that he could feel its pull? Because he was a freaking magnet that dragged my ass wherever he went.

"Your love of eternity is your twin flame. Well, I think so, at least. I think that they'll know, too, if you truly are meant to be together."

He stared out the window, appearing to be in deep thought as he meditated on my words. "So they'll know? That we're meant to be, I mean. Whatever the hell I'm feeling, they feel it, too."

I shot him a wry grin in hopes of hiding the turmoil building in my stomach. "That's the idea."

What he said next shook me to the very sore: "Then you feel it, too?"

I was quaking in my seat now. Even my bones quivered from the intensity of my bewilderment. I couldn't have heard him right. This couldn't be real. It was too good to ever be true.

"You feel it?" was all I could manage to push past my chattering teeth.

He finally turned away from the window and settled his tender gaze on me, searching my expression for something I couldn't fathom. "It's kind of difficult not to. You've been fucking with my head the moment you looked at me. Honestly, I was pretty pissed at you at first. This isn't something I'm exactly used to, obviously, so it freaked me the fuck out. So, yeah, that's why I was such an asshole for those first few weeks. I took it out on you and that was a shitty thing to do. So thanks a lot for making me a sappy sack of shit, because all I've been able to think about the last couple of months is you."

Oh. My. God.

My heart kicked into overdrive, racing so fast little swirling planets began to float across my vision. I would have buckled had I not been sitting, but even now I felt like I was about to slide off the seat and collapse on the floor. Even my head felt ready to burst with an eruption of emotions I couldn't begin to name. They were beyond joy, beyond excitement, beyond love, beyond anything and everything I'd ever felt before.

I could freely pledge my heart and soul to him now.

The revelation threw me into near hysterics I was so happy. A river of tears flooded down my neck as I struggled to speak and Levi was immediately at my side.

"Shit, shit, shit." He clutched at my shoulders and fumbled to wipe away the tears. "You better not be about to tell me you're just fucking with me, not now after I just got all that out."

I gripped his hands tightly in mine and brought them both to my lips. I pressed an ardent kiss to both palms with a watery smile that split my face in two. "I just thought that I was the on-only one feeling this way. I tho-thought for su-ure that you and P-Petra—"

"Fuck no," Levi interrupted. He raised a hand to cup my jaw and stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Look at me, (First), I need you to listen very carefully to what I'm gonna say."

I raised my lashes sheepishly and was immediately captivated by the small smile that curved his lips. God, he was beautiful. So beautiful it made my heart stop.

"I know that it's only been a couple months," he started, voice thick and amorous, "but I know what I feel for you and I know that it's fucking _real_. It's like some fucking instinct that's been programmed into me, but I didn't know it was there until the time was right, otherwise I'd be missing the hell out of you just like I do every damn second since the day I met you. Now, all I want is to not miss you. So I'm sorry this took such a damn long time to tell you, but I'm fucking _in love with you,_ (First), and I want to dedicate my heart and soul to you."

Never had I been so twisted into knots. All I could do was blubber incoherently and throw myself at him, coiling my arms around his neck so tightly I probably almost suffocated him. But he didn't care. He anchored his arms around my waist and squeezed me flush against his chest and buried his nose in the crook of my neck.

I chanted, "I love you, I love you, I love you," like a mantra as we stood there embracing each other, floating upon a cloud that promised an eternity of happiness. A happiness that was now mine to share with him.


End file.
